Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Wesley's birth story, Part II

Since Wesley was going to be a late preemie, we talked with the doctor and decided to try for a vbac. After a couple of hours of pushing and closely monitoring the baby, we finally decided to go in for the c section. I would have LOVED to deliver him naturally, but I guess my body's just not right for child birth. Adam and his mom both got to come in for the surgery, and after all the labor, pushing, and intense pressure I felt during the c section, it was such a relief to hear my baby's strong healthy cry. I couldn't believe he was here, and so early too! Luckily, Wesley was healthy enough not to need to stay in the NICU, and I got to finally hold and cuddle my sweet little boy.
A few hours after the surgery, we were informed that there had been a complication, and essentially my bladder was leaking and I was going to have to go in for surgery right away. There were lots of tears on my part, especially after being told my uterus might be taken out during the surgery (fortunately, I got to keep it!)  I felt so angry and cheated...I was SUPPOSED to have had a planned c section, and I was SUPPOSED  to have this time to recover, sleep and snuggle my newborn. How could this have happened?! 
After a blessing from Adam and one of the OB docs, they wheeled me into the OR. Thankfully the surgery was overall a success, but the recovery was rough. First off, my urologist informed me I would have to wear a catheter and stent for three weeks...I was ticked! And secondly, around day three at the hospital, I threw up the entire day, couldn't even keep my medication down, and ended up with a blood transfusion. Just my luck. 
Finally on Saturday I was able to go home, and thankfully got to bring baby home too. The next couple weeks were difficult for me. Maybe it's my low pain tolerance, but I was just so sore, exhausted, and embarrassed lugging the catheter around. I hated that Adam had to help me change out my catheter, I hated that I could barely take care of myself, let alone a newborn. I don't think I've been more humbled in my life than in those first couple weeks...if there was one thing I took away from this experience, it was acceptance. I had to learn to accept and find peace with the fact that I really needed Adam's help taking care of me, that I couldn't do everything on my own. I had to accept that the baby came early even though I was enjoying my pregnancy and hadn't prepared freezer meals, bought diapers, or finished decorating the nursery. I had to accept the catheter, rather, embrace it, for three long weeks. In the end, it wasn't my fault or anyone else's that I delivered so early and had so many complications with the cesarean. It is just the way things happened, and Heavenly Father had a plan for me and my baby. It wasn't easy, and I'm not even sure we'll be able to have more children after this experience, but I eventually found peace with everything. Sometimes things aren't going to go the way we want, and there may or may not be a purpose in our trials, but learning to accept the situation is essential for having the strength and faith to overcome them.
I am fortunately now catheter free, and enjoying life at home with both boys. Wesley has so far been a sweet baby who sleeps most of the time and loves to cuddle. Max has been pretty patient with me, and is generally good at entertaining himself. He has been extremely sweet with Wes and loves to hold him occasionally and give him lots of kisses. Sure, there is the sleep deprivation, some soreness from my surgeries, and the daily frustrations I run into with having a two year old, but I finally see the silver lining. :) And I feel so blessed...

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